Conflicting Feelings
by shamita08
Summary: My version of the infamous pool scene, before, while and after. Sterek, though more angsty than romantic and I might add a second chapter. Might :)


_So I really don't know why I'm publishing this since I'm really not pleased with it and it's really kinda confusing even to me xDBut I haven't published anything in a while and really wanted to... well publish something_

_This is my first ever Teen Wolf fanfiction and I just watched the last episode today, so yeah...  
But I love it and I really love Sterek, so there you go :)_

_So have fun with the nonsense in my head :D_

Stiles scoffed when he saw who was standing in front of him, twisting a basketball in his hands. „I am _so_ not talking to you."

Derek grinned grimly and shoved his claws into the orange fabric, flattening the ball in seconds. "Let's try that again."

The teen raised an eyebrow at him, being only slightly confused about the fact that he wasn't afraid even a bit. "Shove that intimidating shit up your ass, _oh mighty Alpha_, I am in no way helping you." When he was about to turn around his back hit the wall with a deep thumb echoing through the pool. Oh he knew that one already.

Derek growled in his face and honestly Stiles was tired of werewolves doing that to him. Again he was not even a little scared while he has been terrified when Peter had done the same thing. "Stiles! You will give me answers, _right now_!"

It felt great to be that calm even if he didn't quite know why he was. A few months back, having Derek this close had _paralyzed_ him. So now since he could move completely without even trembling he grabbed the hands that held him against the wall and pried them off even if it meant using 120% of strength. To his amazement it worked. "No. I. Will. Not." He emphasized every word and stepped to the side leaving Derek wide eyed behind.

He was almost at the entrance when a bruising grip tightened around his wrist, claws barely tugging into his skin. Clenching his teeth against the pain he turned around ready to tell the wolf to get lost. Derek beat him to that though. "Since when are you so brave, huh? You used to tremble like a _little girl_ when I as much as glared at you." The insult didn't quite catch since the confusion in his voice was very noticeable.

Stiles tried to pry his hand away but the grip only tightened. "I don't know." He answered honestly. "Maybe since I know that no matter how many times I succumb to you it won't change anything. Maybe since I know that you aren't as good as you tried to make us believe you are. Or maybe simply since I lost all respect in you." He grit out starting to realize himself why he simply didn't care anymore that he should be afraid.

"Respect?" Derek scoffed. "You never respected me, Stiles, please."

"Oh I did." And he was telling the truth. "I respected you when you tried to find the truth about your sister. Hell I was downright _thankful_ to you when you let yourself get arrested even when you could've easily killed my father and the whole freaking police station. I respected you when you offered Scott answers even if you only did it to get his help with Peter. I especially respected you when you _promised_ Scott to let him kill the Alpha for a cure. Do you know when that changed?" Maybe he enjoyed the stunned look on the wolf's face a bit too much. "When you killed Peter taking my best friend's _only_ chance for a normal life. When you threatened him to get him into your pack. When you started changing _random_ teenagers telling them their lives would get better although all you wanted was power for _yourself_. And it hit rock bottom when you send your _crazy werewolf bitch_ to knock me out so you have enough time to beat the crap out of Scott. Any more questions?"

Derek recoiled slightly. "Erica, is that true?" he growled out never looking away from the teen in front of him. Stiles watched him for the first time confused. "Erica!"

"Well you told me to stop him from prying in our business." The female werewolf answered indifferently though her voice trembled a little at Derek's alpha tone.

Stiles noticed the growl was directed at her this time. "Stiles I _didn't_ tell her to knock you out. Nevertheless I will _not_ hesitate to do it myself if you don't tell us what you know."

It was the teen's turn to scoff. So he didn't tell her, _so what_? It's not like he wouldn't if he thought it benefitted him enough like he proved just now. "Derek I _know_ things only for Scott. Because he's my best friend and I don't want him dead. I help him and _only_ him. And to people I don't care about or that have nothing to do with this whole Halloween party shit I know _nothing_." He gave his wrist a hard tug using the wolf's surprise to tug him closer. "I don't care what happens to you and your pack of strays because, Derek, _no matter_ how many times we saved your stupid ass I _know_ right now that you wouldn't hesitate to throw us out as bait. Not even a second. Scott and I, we can beat that thing because I have the knowledge and he has the strength. If you get into the crossfire or just stand around and do nothing, _I don't care_."

Before the Alpha could say anything else Stiles gave a last tug and didn't even wince when Derek's claws scratched his skin deeply. He turned his back and left. Just like that. A deep growl rumbled through the whole pool. "Erica!" With long footsteps he had her by her neck, lifting her up as she gasped. "_I. Did not. Tell you. To hurt him_!"

The girl struggled in his grip. "I… I didn't know it mattered. You... you had no problem in… in beating the other one u… up." She heaved, barely able to breath.

He threw her to the ground towering over her cowering body. "I did_ NOT_ allow that, did I?!" he shouted ignoring her attempt to justify her actions and gritted his teeth when she shook her head violently. "Scott is a werewolf Erica, no matter how many times I beat him up he will heal. Stiles is a _human_. He's innocent."

Despite her fright, the blonde sneered. "Innocent? He's helping Scott going against us. Besides aren't you a little hypocritical? I am not the one who almost broke his spine and wrist!"

Derek bared his teeth. "No, but I can control my strength, can you?!"

"Didn't look like that from my point of view." Erica looked at him with raised eyebrows, challenging him.

"_Don't!_ talk back to me. I'm your Alpha and you obey me, do you understand?" He growled, hauling her up to her feet.

She stared at him with narrowed eyes. "_Yes_."

Stiles was on his way out of the gym when he heard it. Not exactly a growl but not a hiss either. Turning around he only saw the scaled tail of the thing disappearing into the pool. And while his speech has been awesome and he honestly didn't _want _to care about Derek he cursed and followed it in a sprint. "Derek, it's here! The thing is here!" he shouted and rounded the corner only to see the blonde bitch being tossed into a wall. Derek crouched, baring his teeth but damn that thing was _fast_. It was behind him in a second and slashed his neck in a movement barely noticeable. "Shit, Derek!" Seeing the Alpha struggle on his feet, Stiles remembered seeing the same scene with the mechanic and the feeling of literal paralyzation. He sped up and slung his arm around the wolf's shoulder shortly before the Alpha hit the floor. "_Shit shit shit_." Chanting under his breath he tried to heave the heavy guy away, keeping the thing in sight. He felt his knees buckle and cursed again when he felt Derek slip from his gasp.

"You idiot, run!" Derek shouted at him just as he fell into the water. Hesitating only for a second Stiles sprang after him hissing when the chlorine got into his wrist wounds. Ignoring the pain, he grabbed Derek's jacket and pulled him up to the surface. "What the fuck are you doing?"

He tried to huff but only managed to get water into his mouth. Coughing he exhaled deeply. "Saving your stupid ass again, in case you haven't noticed." He wheezed.

"Yeah but why? You made yourself very clear back there." The Alpha snarled. The nerve he had while literally depending on Stiles with his life.

The teen growled, of course not as intimidating as an actual wolf. "I'm still the good guy here, okay? I'm not inhuman, neither literally or rhetorically." He tightened his grip only slightly. "In case you don't want to because I can gladly dump your incredible weight back into the water, you know?"

Derek froze for a while but instead of giving in he actually bristled. "You're actually _lying_ right now. You seriously want to safe me from drowning." He stated in amazement.

If Stiles wasn't so blue already from the freaking cold water he would actually turn red. "Shut up. I'm just doing the right thing here. I really don't fancy seeing a _second_ corpse in one day already." He grumbled, looking around to see the scale thing circling them but never coming really near to the water.

"Holy hell that was still a lie. Why the hell would you do this?" Only the complete bafflement in Derek's voice and complete distraction from their current situation made Stiles turn his eyes away from the thing and look at him. Not that it was easy with the awkward angle.

"I can still dump your ass, _sourwolf_ just watch." He threatened but was only rewarded with a raised eyebrow. "Okay, so I used to care for your safety, okay? When you came with that damn bullet I almost chopped your arm off, remember? I risked a broken hand by punching you in the face when you fucking fainted. I kept you in my room even when I knew that I would be in disastrous trouble when my dad found out. The freaking _sheriff_, remember? While you were suspected for _murder_?" He breathed deeply trying to get as less water in his lungs as possible. "I went to that damn hospital for you even though I just _knew_ something stupid would happen. Just the other day I helped you rescue a new werewolf on a _full moon_ from a police station my dad works in, so in case you haven't noticed, _yeah_ I used to care about you. And I can't just switch that off."

The Alpha remained silent through his entire outburst his eyes getting wider and wider. "You care about me?" he asked uncertainly.

"Cared!" Stiles bit out. "I _cared_ about you. Not anymore since you proved that you only and exclusively care about yourself!" Sighing he looked up. "Derek I actually started to trust you before you sliced Peter's throat open. Even then I tried to understand you, tried… tried to understand your wish for revenge because he was a psychopath that killed your sister after all. And I could. I can't understand you now though. I can't understand why you turn freaking _teenagers_ into werewolves that completely misunderstand the responsibility. You saw what it did to Scott! Juggling the normal problems of school and girls and what not he additionally is a werewolf at 16. You saw how that worked out with Allison. And still you turned three of them, never thinking how that would influence their and even _our_ lives just because you feel the need to arm against the Argents who wouldn't make any problems if you didn't do exactly that. Those three don't understand what that means for the long run. They see it as a way to get away from their problems. But isn't it just another problem in exchange? How could you…" Stiles bit his lip because hell he was actually near hysterical crying right now. He didn't know why that affected him so much, maybe he just saw himself in the situation. How he tried to explain it to his dad, how he tried to hide it in collage, how he tried to explain it to the person he wanted to marry. "Fuck how could you do that to them, Derek! They are too young to understand that, damn it!"

"In case you haven't noticed, _you're_ their age Stiles!" Derek didn't feel guilty. He _helped _his current pack members. Maybe not in the best way but in a way nonetheless.

Stiles let out a fake laugh. "Yeah but I'm not one of them. I can analyze their position from a stranger's point of view. I can think about the future for them, they can't do that! They are just running away from their not so perfect lives. Do you have any idea how many times I wished _I_ was the one bitten that night, not Scott? How many times I wished that _I_ would be batman for once. But when the day ends I always thank god that it wasn't me. That I can come home to my dad and, yes I have to lie to him way too much but never actually about me. I help Scott because he's an important part of my life not because I actually have to. They don't have that choice, you took that from them."

"They made their choice!" The Alpha didn't like what the teen was saying. He could understand Stiles' side of this argument but that didn't mean he _wanted _to understand it.

Stiles wouldn't have that. "They are _kids_, Derek. How can you expect them to make such a big decision on their own?"

"Why the fuck do you talk like an adult here? You are a _kid _as well, like I told you already!"

"No Derek don't you dare compare me to them. Isaac is a beaten boy who's afraid of almost everything because his father was a huge asshole and never showed him the love he deserved. Erica is still haunted by the feeling of her seizures and the laughter of her idiotic classmates. Boyd is only looking for a place to belong and maybe for the talents he thinks he needs to get actual friends. _I_ had to grow up when I was nine and the heart of my mum stopped beating. _I_ had to care for myself and my dad for a month because he was so devastated that the only thing he could do was rise the whiskey to his mouth. I never blamed him for that but the fact remains that after that month I just wasn't a kid anymore, Derek! I wasn't!" Breathing got more and more difficult with all the water he already swallowed. He should really stop talking but he was Stiles and Stiles never stopped talking after all. Besides, for some reason he really wanted to make the Alpha realize his mistakes, if it was to rub them in his face or try to get him to change his ways was beyond him at the moment.

Because it was true what he had said. He had cared for Derek. Too much even so it was no wonder that his betrayal to Scott broke his heart a little bit. When Erica turned up and hit him with his car part while Derek beat up his best friend he completely realized that they meant nothing to the wolf. Absolutely nothing. And that hurt. It hurt too much.

Derek gulped down his retort when he heard the irregular beat of Stiles' heart. The boy was about to break down, he realized. And that made panic rise in his chest. Not because he could easily drop him, no because _he_ was the one to get him this far. _He_ was the one who made Stiles Stilinski, the boy who was always grinning too big, cry. And why did that infuriate him so much? Why was he so concerned about the boy's wellbeing? Why did he turn against his own pack member I order to defense the annoying human who always made him lose control? "Sometimes I wish I would've never returned." He muttered, not expecting Stiles to hear him.

He did though but chose to ignore it. Having the person he might've been a tiny little bit in love with literally say that they wish they hadn't met you wasn't exactly something he wanted to think about. "Yeah, maybe that wasn't such a good idea." He huffed.

It took Scott two hours to find them… or well smell them. That meant two and a half hours fearing for their lives, two hours of holding a dead weight up and one and a half hour deadly silence. Finally they were free to avoid each other. Yeah right, as if Stiles had enough luck for that…

It was midnight or two minutes past it. He knew that because when he heard the weird noise he grabbed his alarm to throw it at whoever tried to break in through his window. Surprisingly he really heard plastic hit something hard and was rewarded with an Alpha over him on his _bed_. Derek growled at him, eyes red, face close, holding him down by his shoulders. Stiles gulped. "Too close, dude." He merely whispered because he was afraid his voice would break. _Holy shit_ the weight on him was kinda sexy. No, no! Bad thoughts!

"Do you always greet your guests with a blow to the head?" Derek snapped his teeth dangerously near Stiles' nose.

The younger wasn't anything if not able to snap back. "Tell me which one and I'll tell you." He mocked.

That only resulted in a very deep growl that probably went through the whole house. He was lucky that his dad was still at work. Derek's next words came out almost desperately. "Don't. Say. Things. Like. That!"

Wait. "What?" Things like that? Why was Derek angry again? "Why are you angry again?" Stiles asked suddenly thrown. "And what are you doing here anyway? I thought you would avoid me like the plague."

"I wasn't the one who ran the second we were free!" The Alpha huffed.

Stiles frowned. "Yeah but why not? You were the one who basically told me you wished you would've never met me."

The wolf bristled. "When did I ever say that?"

"At the pool! You know when you said that you wished you had never come back here right when our topic was me and my fucked up childhood?" They stared at each other for a while, the only sound in the room Stiles' heartbeat and Derek's hard breathing. The younger sighed. "You know for someone who never talks and most of the time tells me to shut up, you are very talkative right after you get what you want, namely me not _wanting_ to talk to you."

Another roar was his answer. "_You_ made me like this okay?!"

"How could _I_'ve possibly made you like this? You avoid it to have any contact to me unless 100% necessary, you avoid talking to me unless it's a growl and you never even listen to what I'm saying, so tell me _mighty Alpha_, how the fuck was _I_ supposed to change anything in you?!" And suddenly the tears were back in his eyes. Because Derek hated him. Derek didn't want him around. Derek didn't care a thing about him. Derek used him as a link to Scott. Derek would throw him away or use him as bait whenever it benefitted him. Derek just simply didn't give a fuck about him.

And Stiles? In his fucked up mind he somehow got so emotionally twisted that he fell in love with another person who would never want him. And as if Lydia hasn't been enough, no this time it was the one person on this whole freaking planet who could quite literally rip his heart out and would probably even enjoy it.

No, he wasn't afraid of Derek anymore. Because he was already dead no matter what the Alpha did.

But he didn't want to show this weakness!

So he started to trash around, trying to get free from Derek's grasp, trying to push him off him, off the bed but nothing helped. He was still way too weak for the wolf. No matter how mighty he had felt at the pool, he was still just the petty human, the Robin whom everyone only used. "Stiles!" And he stopped struggling. He stopped moving completely and let his tears fall because _hell_ Derek knew he was a weakling. He didn't have to show anything, Derek _knew._ "Stiles…"

"Leave! Please, just leave!" He turned his head to the side, desperately trying to hide his face. "I hate you! I hate you so much!"

Derek loosened his grip a little. "No, you don't." he mumbled softly as if he himself wasn't believing in his words.

"Please." It came out more as a sob as anything else but the teen just didn't care anymore. "Please just leave… I hate you… I hate… you." The words were so small and shaky that Derek wasn't sure who the boy tried to convince, Derek or himself. The next words though came close to breaking his heart. "Why do you hate me so much? Why do you like to see me suffer all the time? Why… why do you keep coming back into my life only to use me for something and then just throw me away again? Why can't you finally leave for good and let me move on?"

Derek was speechless. He literally couldn't breathe, his heart felt like it was swelling so much it was about to break out of his chest. And finally he realized. "I can't." Finally he realized why he couldn't stay away from the boy and why he still _ran_ away. Why he couldn't stand see him hurt, why he left his own pack member in danger to make sure that the boy would get out alive. Why he came to his house tonight, even though he wanted to hate the boy for all the things he had said to him in the pool.

Because the boy was so much more than pack. "I just can't."


End file.
